My youngest son is currently abroad doing a working Erasmus, and I can see how much he is learning, not only about the job, but about what it actually means to work for someone who has built a business from scratch.
His boss is a self-made entrepreneur. He started with an idea, worked hard, learned as he went and built his business along the way. My son is watching all of this up close, and I can see him growing through the experience.
One of the lessons he has already understood actually comes from his grandmother. My mother has always believed that one of the secrets to being valuable at work is to figure out what your boss is trying to achieve and then work relentlessly to help them get there. Don’t wait to be told every little thing. Pay attention, understand the bigger goal and anticipate where you can help.
Grinta and focus.
But recently another lesson came up: ownership.
My son will sometimes talk me through something that has happened at work. Maybe there’s a problem, an obstacle or simply something that isn’t working the way he thinks it should. His boss is very hands-on and, naturally, wants things to work, so his instinct is often to step in and save the day.
And he does.
The problem gets solved.
But sometimes, as I’m listening to the story, I find myself asking my son, “Could you have handled that yourself?”
Usually, the answer is yes.
Which led me to a much more interesting question: Did your boss know that you wanted to handle it yourself?
Because when you work for a helpful boss, the lines can become blurred very easily. You think you’re sharing a problem, asking a question or simply thinking out loud. Your boss hears, “I need help,” and steps in.
Nobody has done anything wrong. In fact, both people probably have the best intentions. But little by little, ownership can start shifting.
So I sent my son a simple framework I’d been working on:
I need to vent.
I need you to listen, but I’m not asking you to fix this.
I need your input.
I want your perspective, but I still want to own what happens next.
I need your help.
I’ve reached the point where I genuinely need you to get involved.
Then I asked him, “Do you think you could share this with your boss?”
Not as some formal management tool, but as a way of steering the conversation differently. Instead of simply explaining what’s gone wrong, he could say, “I think I can handle this, but I’d like your input,” or, “I just want to talk this through with you. I don’t need you to step in yet.”
That’s a very different message.
And I think there’s an important lesson on both sides.
His boss has spent years building this company. When he sees a problem, of course his instinct is to solve it. He knows the business, he knows what works and, quite honestly, he can probably fix many things faster himself.
But if my son wants more ownership, he also has a part to play. He needs to show that he is ready for it by thinking before escalating, bringing possible solutions rather than only problems, and being clear about what he actually needs from his boss.
Ownership isn’t only something a manager gives you. It’s also something you learn to take responsibly.
And perhaps that’s one of the things I love most about this Erasmus experience. My son is learning the practical side of work, but he’s also starting to understand some of the less obvious things that can take us years to figure out: how to read the person you’re working for, how to contribute to their bigger goal, when to ask for help and when to say, “I’ve got this. I’d just like your input.”
His grandmother’s lesson still stands.
Grinta and focus.
But now I’d add one more thing: know what you need from your boss, and learn how to ask for it.
